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Introduction
| Click on a date below to go directly to one of Linda's Gracelet posts. |
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Gracelet #1, Dec. 23, 2009
Gracelet #4, Mar. 30, 2010
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Gracelet #2, Jan. 14, 2010
Gracelet #5, May 27, 2010
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Gracelet #3, Feb. 28, 2010 |
THE PREFACE
Hi, I'm Linda and this is my Spot.
Please, allow me to introduce myself. I am Roland's wife. Together we started this small ministry in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains. It is such a lovely spot that I decided to name this area of the website "Linda's Spot."
There is a definite reason why I wanted a spot on this web page. I have been considering this for some time, but just didn't get around to doing it. There was too much to do and too many things that I deemed more important. I have had cancer 3 times in the past 19 years but during a regular check-up in November 2009 my doctors sent me for testing. Cancer #4 showed up. I am preparing to go through this again. I am not worried about this, but that requires some explanation.
The usual is happening; it is usual for me because I have traveled this path before. There is quick scheduling of many more tests, many more doctors appointments, blood work, surgery, and recovery. When this is complete, the treatment starts. In the end (several months later) my body starts to recover; the hectic life which was on hold continues.
The fact that I have endured cancer three times, came out smiling and still serve the Lord has caused people to ask questions. The fact that I serve Him during cancer treatments and the recovery time, when my body is weakened, has caused many friends to take notice.
There have been a lot more questions since the last diagnosis, so I think it is the right time to come out of "hiding." I have always been embarrassed asking for prayer or telling people I had cancer again. I didn't care if they asked me about my health problems if my answers would help them. It was alright if the conversation was for their benefit. I was glad to help. But volunteering information about this part of my Christian walk has been harder. So "Linda's Spot" is an ongoing story and a response to the questions I typically hear.
THE HISTORY
My cancer story started in 1991. I was in a small fellowship. It was typical of many small fellowships. Most, if not all, groups we were in had some of the best, most caring people in the world. However, there were also people that either "knew it all" or were "busybodies". I have known both kinds and all of the types in between. This meant I had to occasionally endure certain comments or advice that was not always helpful. There was the "name it and claim it" contingency. Others would say: "Just confess your sin and be healed." Some people were much less vocal but were faithful comforters and Godly prayer warriors. Yep, I have experienced all kinds.
Enduring repeated disease causes a person to roll with the punches, whether they are physical or emotional or mental. In short, grace, or God's favor in my situation, increases. It is not the kind of grace that I can drum up; it is the kind that God provides as He walks with me. When it comes to chronic cancer, I have done a lot of walking.
THE IDEAL ENDING?
We were visiting friends a short time before this last cancer discovery. They wanted us to see a couple of Christian movies they had recently purchased. A church had produced them and they were good. I have seen these types of movies many times. People are besieged with insurmountable problems. There is no escape. Then at the last minute, God comes through. Ahhh! God is there and good prevails! That's what I call, "A fairy tale ending." It sounds so good, don't you think? I have had similar experiences many times in my own life. Nevertheless, what about all of the times when that didn't happen? Where was God during those times? Did He choose to go on vacation? Did he abandon me to fend for myself?
THE BOTTOM LINE
No, God has not retreated from me during periods of illness. He most certainly did not. He was right there. All I had to do was see Him. There were times that it took a good bit of looking, but I found Him. There were other times when He found me.
Linda's SPOT is about how I have experienced God in repeated illnesses. It is a place where I can answer some of the questions I am asked. The answers will be from the Bible or what I have experienced or both. I will try to explain what I believe God has applied in my own life.
I will post what I call "gracelets": little tidbits of how His grace shows up in my situations. You don't have to respond to what I say, but you may if you wish. Just use the "contact us" button and Roland will see that I get your comments. Thanks for reading.
Linda's Gracelets
GRACELET #1
December 23, 2009
I often hear this comment, you are a fighter, a survivor, or a winner. It can be hard for me to accept any of these adjectives as painting a true picture of what I am really like because if there was any way out of this disease and its treatment I WOULD TAKE IT! No one wants to do this repeatedly. The only polite thing to do after hearing any of these comments is to thank the person saying it, because they mean well. They are amazed, and, in a sense, may even admire the ailing individual before them. It is God's grace working in me that enables me to keep going.
We went through a long period of time when many Christians believed that any kind of illness was a direct result of sin in the life of the ailing person. This assertion goes on to explain that if they would confess their sin, God would forgive their sin and He would heal them. If all illness was the direct result of a particular sin in our life, then who would be well? Romans states that all have sinned and come short of the glory of God and no one is righteous. In 1 John believers are told they are deceived if they think they are without sin of some kind. It is because of the grace of God that any of us experience forgiveness instead of the direct results of our sin at any given time.
A major thank you should ascend to God each day we live for His grace operating in our lives. A possible good New Year's resolution for 2010 would be to start each day by thanking God for the grace He extends to us. There may come a time when chemotherapy or some other treatment has little or no effect on cancer, but there will never come a day that God's grace is ineffective.
Grace means we receive forgiveness instead of the results of our sin. We are free from the effects of our sin because of who Jesus is and what He did. We are required to come to God and confess our sin and He has promised to forgive us. We do not have God's grace working in our lives because we deserve it or have earned it. We do not even get grace as payment for asking forgiveness. We have grace because He freely gives it to us. However, individual forgiveness from sin does not free us from the effects of universal sin. Freedom from illness, which is the result of universal sin, and freedom from individual sin are perhaps related, but they are different concepts. We still have the effects of sin residing with us even with forgiveness, and those effects will continue to reside with us until Jesus returns and eliminates sin from the world.
Recently some friends on a amateur radio net (I am a HAM radio operator) prayed for this latest cancer in me. As they prayed from around the world, a feeling of peace and comfort along with the power of God filled the room. It was clear: God was right there. We can take a lot of comfort in these times. God is real. His desire to be with us when we need Him is real. All of our lives we need to be willing to live, fight cancer, or handle whatever else happens. Whether ill or healthy we must continue to give God praise and thanks. Remember, we should give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
GRACELET #2
January 14, 2010
My all-time favorite question is, "Why does God allow horrible things to happen?" I had a plan for what my life was going to be like when I was young. The plan included being successful, fairly wealthy, very healthy, and very happy. That is my idea of a real "Fairy Tale Ending." It just did not happen. Most things I thought would happen to me did not happen.
I was saved at the early age of 13 and was told all the right things: God would protect me, heal me, keep me safe from harm, and always be with me. It was during Vacation Bible School right after my mother had died. I knew I needed a friend, so when the Pastor said Jesus needed me to be His friend, I accepted Him right away.
Why did God allow my life to appear to fall apart later? Why do we have car wrecks, dangerous storms, every type of disease, and too many other things to mention? For the answer to these questions we need to read the Bible just a little and think "clearly" a lot. Remember the little song we sang in church, "Every Promise in the Book is MINE." There are many wonderful blessings promised to us in the Bible. We should take full advantage of each one of them. It is important that we do, but not all of the promises appear to be blessings at first glance. Sometimes we do not know what will bless us, because we cannot see the end or purpose of the event.
One very good and much needed promise is that we can have the mind of God. Only God knows the future. He, alone, has the wisdom to know what will be a real blessing in our lives- even when it does not appear to be a good promise. My favorite example is, "in this world you will have tribulation." How do you feel about that promise? Tribulation = big trouble and if you are in this world you will have tribulation. Why? Is God to blame? No, sin entered this world by a special invitation. When we read the Bible, it says God created a perfect world. We see that what Christians call sin began to corrupt the world God created. This corruption affects all aspects of life as we know it?including our health. This leaves us having many types of trials in an imperfect world. So why are we tempted to blame God for everything that happens to us?
The plans for my life suggest I might have believed I was exempt from trials. At first I was upset that I didn't have an exemption from the really hard things I was going through. After a horrible childhood with a drunken parent, four miscarriages later, several life threatening illnesses, and cancer, now for the fourth time, should I blame God? How could I have been that sinful? Where did my plan go wrong?
Thomas Jefferson took a Bible and cut out all of the parts he did not want to believe. He, then, printed His personalized Bible and read only what he wanted he wanted to believe was God. We also tend to accept only the verses we want to hear and the rest must be a mistake. If we dare to accept all of Scripture as God's will for our life, we will be able to read, "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." It's not that I am thankful for cancer but it is a circumstance through which God works. It's not that I am the world's worse person, sinful to the core, though I am that and possibly more. It is that I must look to God and pray for Him to be with me during all the events of my life.
I had a blood test that showed I inherited a gene from my mother that means I am likely to have cancer repeatedly. Why me? Therefore, my "Fairy Tale Ending" is I will have cancer check-ups every three months, do as many self-exams as possible, call a doctor if any unusual pain or bump remains for over a month, and pray for God to intervene and have His will in my life.
Since the first cancer in 1991, my first doctor believed I would live cancer-free less than two years and die soon after. I have lived a full life with a cancer background for nearly 20 years. I have had many days to be thankful. During that time, I have seen God heal me of many other things and He has been with me every day. He has kept me through each cancer and from many other things that would have caused me harm.
GRACELET #3
Febuary 28, 2010
“Feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are,” or so we are told. That may indeed be true, however true or not, the fact that we feel is real. Genuine self-gratification (the way we should feel about ourselves) is important; not only for the betterment of ourselves, but especially for the betterment of those we live and associate with. Contrariwise, negative self-degrading feelings destroy those that give in to them and some people never recover from the harm of their own damaged feelings. Feelings are that powerful and, in that sense, may become very harmful.
Why, you must be wondering?
Most people see their ability to hold down a job and live an active lifestyle until a ripe old age as a right, not a privilege. People, who suddenly become aware they will never have neither the right nor the privileges they believed to be their possession, become confused and many lose their identity altogether, at least for a while. Mass confusion takes over at first. Adjustment takes time.
Most doctors tell newly diagnosed patients with a life-threatening disease to keep life as normal as possible for as long as possible. Most loving family members and especially close friends usually suggest the opposite: 'rest more and take it easy' seems to roll for their tongues as smooth as butter.
The patient, who is in the middle, already confused, and alienated (at least in his own mind and feeling) attempts to bring order back into his own life. The patient frequently feels like he is fighting his or her battle alone. Patients often use excess energy attempting to sooth the feelings of those around them, many of which struggle to manage their own wounded feelings. These times are tough.
One reason life becomes such a scramble is because many people react without knowing how to handle their own set of life's challenges. There has been no experience in their past to prepare them to relate to or assist their family member or friend. Serious life threatening diseases force people to face questions about their own mortality. Many choose not to face their feelings about this possibility. They choose instead to distance themselves from the situation and their family member or friend who is stricken.
Choices made at this time are the most impossible imaginable. When I am in the middle (the spot after I know I have cancer but before I have a plan of action and have started on a treatment), is the hardest time during a bout with cancer. The important choice at this time becomes not what I know, but who I know. The most if not the only important relationship yet unmentioned refers to the relationship with God.
I pray until I believe I know which choices I must make. After I make those choices, I yield to God. Then I ask Him to allow what happens to me to be what He has willed to happen. I act on what I believe and let God be in control.
One cancer coming down the road may kill me, but that strangely does not bother me at all. Instead, I choose to believe myself to be no different from any of you (the people reading this Gracelet) in that anything can happen to me before the next cancer, or the doctors could be wrong and I could live to be one-hundred years old. If any of you just found out you may only have a few years left on this planet, remember that no one knows when he or she will die or what will cause his or her death. My choice is to live every single day facing life doing what I believe God wants me to do. I am going to live life rather than death. That helps me to not just feel better but to feel good even during cancer treatments. By believing God is truly in control and has a plan for my life that includes my time of death, I can feel content because even that is a blessing (God’s blessing). Until then I am free to live the way He wants me to live, I will live happily every day. My family and friends can release me and relax. I am perfectly OK.
If you are undergoing cancer treatments or something equally as threatening and are unsure what will happen to you next, you can be in a special place. You can be in a place of assurance because God will meet you there, where you live and He will give you His peace if you call upon Jesus Christ and allow Him into your circumstances. You can rely on him to give you all you need to live or die. It helps me to remember we are all God's feeling people.
GRACELET #4
March 30, 2010 (between the 3rd and 4th cycles of chemotherapy for a 4th cancer)
What is in a Mood?
We all have moods. We are in control of our mood or our mood will control us. A mood is the way we allow ourselves to feel. We use our mood to control our environment. We can use our mood to attempt to control others. The moods we are in lets others know our state of mind. It shows something is good or maybe it says something is very wrong. Today parents (adults) as well as their kids often freely display their moods. We say, "They are wearing their feelings on their sleeve." Displaying our moods and attitudes leads to questions. No matter what the mood we display, why are we displaying this attitude (mood)? Are we truly showing how we feel? Why do we want this mood to show? What good does showing this mood do for others or our self?
What attitude and mood we display shows how well we control ourselves. It also shows others a lot about who we are deep down inside, where it counts. It lets others and sometimes ourselves know whether or not we have internal peace or if we just thought we had peace. It helps us answer the question, "Am I really trusting in God?" Or, do we find we need to rely on Him more for peace when we go through hard times. A personal and recent example follows.
I needed a blood test the other day (to check the effects of the chemotherapy) and went to the hospital to get it. There was a woman in the waiting room when I arrived. She looked older than she should; she seemed withdrawn and generally unhappy. Her unhappy attitude was clearly visible to all around her. It was obvious that she was in a sad or bad mood. As I was leaving the clinic to get on the elevator, she was right behind me and we rode down to the first floor together. She looked at me. I smiled and addressed her warmly. She asked why I was there. I told her about having cancer four times and that I was taking chemo again. She looked very shocked and said, "You look so good and you act so happy. How do you do it?" I spoke carefully because I did not want to correct her for showing her mood. I said, "I was unhappy when I first heard about the 4th cancer occurrence. I realized I was in a bad mood and I decided to pray and ask God to help me change my mind. I had no choice; I had to face cancer for the fourth time. The choice was either live through this cancer with the cancer in control of my attitude (my mood) or live my life the way I usually do (in a good mood). After I prayed and ask for help, I simply changed my mind and my focus."
I explained that I took classes in something new during each cancer. It was always something that would do others good. I talked about the things I do to help me while I endure cancer treatments. As I explained my philosophy, years melted off her face. A smile appeared on her face in place of a long drawn frown. Eyes that were once blank began to sparkle. The tone in her voice was slow and slurred, but was now alive and rapid. She said, "You are so inspiring and up lifting." Her words took on life; I watched as this transformation took place.
Afterward we talked about my relationship with God and the faith I depend on to survive all of the hardships I face going throughout life. She wanted a big hug, so I hugged her and I said I would pray for her. We parted. As I gave the parking attendant my car's ticket she went on her way, but with a smile on her face and a lightness in her step.
So, what do you think, now? What is in a mood? Please, do not think I never have a sad moment. I assure you, I do. What I have done, however, is learn to control my moods and to not let the mood rule me. I refuse to live with a bad attitude controlling how I live. I cannot even tell you it is easy to control a mood, but a mood is, without a doubt, controllable. Neither you nor I must remain with a bad, sad, or angry attitude. We can pray and believe God to help us be in control of how we handle what is happening to and/or around us.
Of course, we are unhappy when we get news of problems, deaths, or illnesses. Many of these events are out of our control. Yes, they do affect us, but we can take control of our circumstances following the news and control how we will allow it to affect us. Sometimes this news is very bad or sad, but the more we are in control of ourselves by the grace of God, the more we help ourselves and can also have opportunity to help those around us. In other words, if we allow God to lead us in our circumstances, He will allow us to become a blessing to others and, at the same time, the Lord will bless us. |
Gracelet #5
No More Medicine; Relieved or Maybe Not?
May 27, 2010
SOMETHING UNUSUAL HAPPENS to many unsuspecting cancer patients while being treated with chemotherapy. There seems to be an underlying feeling of safety during their treatment period. The unsuspecting patient accepts this false assurance unknowingly because the act of receiving medicine hopefully means you are possibly safe from the cancer returning during treatment. I am forced to admit that I am in that category even though I have had cancer four times. I totally despise having cancer and the need to take chemotherapy that accompanies it, but in the end, after treatments are over and I am feeling somewhat myself again, I find myself experiencing stress attacks. These attacks seem involuntary and apart from my conscious mind. I am unaware that I developed a false sense of security while taking the medicine. Shortly after the last treatment, however, the stress appears. There is an inescapable feeling of worry that floods over me all of a sudden and I instantly feel a gripping sense of panic that is overwhelming for just a moment. There is a strong temptation to allow these feelings of fear to take control of me and to drive me to worry.
THE FEAR, although it is intense, is momentary. It causes me to remember that my life is positively no longer my own. My living neither depends on taking chemotherapy concoctions nor does it depend on the other procedures (surgeries, tests, or scans) doctors come up with to discover, remove, or reduce the growth rate of any cancer. However, it does depend on God and what He allows me to experience.
THERE IS A SPECIAL PEACE in the knowledge that I am a child of God that is a key factor for me following cancer treatment. That same peace is in the knowledge that the God who created all physical and spiritual matter, which includes me knows what is happening to me. His peace tells me He is interested in what is happening. When I allow God’s presence into my circumstances, I have confidence that I am not alone, neither am I disturbed or worried, nor am I afraid of what horrible event will happen next. Instead, there is an uncanny calm and a compelling sense of peace that comes out of the center of my entire being. It is beyond expression, but it is extremely real.
I REMAIN WITH A HOPE that God will wondrously perform a miracle: that I will defy the odds my doctors have laid out for my future. They insist cancer after cancer must be my fate. They say they are incapable of preventing me from having cancer repeatedly, but I pray to never have cancer again. If my prayers are answered and this happens, I will be extremely thankful because I will have been blessed beyond measure. God still resides on His throne and I will still be His child if I have cancer again. I refuse to be driven away or to turn my back on God over a hideous illness or any other extreme problem that I may experience. I am aware that He is completely faithful to me regardless of what I must go through.
THE Bible CLEARLY PROMISES adversity during our sojourn on this planet. At the same time, He has given us His word that He will be with us. It does not matter what happens to us, where we go, or what we do. His desire is to be with us in the circumstances we face, so when we turn those difficult circumstances over to Him we believe that he is capable of leading us through them. He says, and I have found it to be true, that He finds us, and we can find Him. This means that during these times of personal tragedy we can become aware of His presence with us. He will and does surround us with his love.
I FOUND out that there was little hope for changing the outcome of many diseases by relying on how I live. If I had hope in how I lived, things like what I ate or the exercise I took would solve most problems. Placing all hope in doctors does not solve serious disease problems either. I do not go to God just to keep me in some state of health. Many adverse things simply happen. I cannot do anything about most of these things or their outcomes. They will affect the rest of my life. They have just become a part of my life. Some people believe we are mere victims of life but I am not one of them. If I was a victim, I would merely become helpless. It was only when I learned to rely on God that I began to have a sense of meaning in which God is. Having put my trust in Him, I am satisfied with who I am and with the circumstances I am often forced to live with. I am like many others in that as soon as I open myself up to live out my life trusting in Him, I lose the imprisoning fear with which facing life’s circumstances impales me. This knowledge empowers me to live freely and I find fullness in my life even when things are not going according to my plans and things are not going the way I want them to go. There is a greater hope in that I am free to live out my life with the knowledge that my life matters to God. Circumstances have forced me to live literally knowing I am dependent on God to live. He has let me live for almost 20 years beyond what doctors believed possible. All people everywhere are dependent on God in order to live, but believers with serious medical issues (or other life threatening conditions) have a real sense of dependency on God for their life.
FOR MYSELF AND MANY OTHER BELIEVERS living close to a serious problem or illness that could end our lives, there can be a strength-hidden life lived inside of us. We have a secret life as a gift imparted to us from God. That life is lived inside of us, apart from the live everyone around us sees. We live out that special life hidden with God. That life was given to us as part of His promise to us. It is the source of our strength and the reason for our peace.
I KNOW that inner life, because I have the knowledge that I need God in a very real way. I know the fact that I am alive today is because God, Himself, has overcome the illnesses Satan devised to destroy me. For me it is like living with the knowledge of going on a trip, like when I go to Africa or Romania, and I look forward to the adventure of those trips. I have chosen to live as if my life is an adventure and I am aware that God is my life companion. I do not live with fear; I am not dying in my body so why should I choose to die in my mind?
A FRIEND of mine returned home from the hospital today. She was operated on for breast cancer and will start cancer treatments soon. It is an amazing feeling to have something especially comforting to say to her. We as believers do have something definably special to present to those that are afflicted around us. We can assist them in the face of personal tragedy. In fact, the way we live speaks volumes to unbelievers. The peace we feel shouts from the look on our face as well as in our actions as we go about inconspicuously living our daily lives. When we live our life through allowing Christ to live in us, we become walking billboards announcing, “There is hope. There is peace. We are alright and you can be alright, too.”
I WANT ALL READING THIS, believer or unbeliever alike, to know I am all right and you can be, too. It does not matter what horrendous trial you are facing. In Christ, You are all right. With faith, you are doing what you must do and you are all right. It is often hard to fight the inner battles going on inside of us while on the outside we are embracing the confusing feelings we all have during these distressful times. We may not understand all of what is happening around us, but we know we are all right. One-step at a time is all any of us can take, so none of us is alone. We are all walking with each other. Christ died so we could feel His presence as we walk. We do not just hope we know we “are hid with Christ in God.” |
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